What does this mean? 

Theory of mind is a social-cognitive skill. It means having the ability to understand and take into account the mental states of other people. This means understanding that other people have beliefs, desires, intentions and emotions which can be different to our own. Sometimes people call this mind-reading but it is not something supernatural. It is a skill that humans usually start to develop as children and improve throughout their life.

For example, as babies and infants, theory of mind is usually shown through something called 'joint attention'. This is where the baby will try to engage people by asking for them to look at the same thing at the same time. They will point to something as they know that someone is not looking at the same thing they are. This shows that they understand there is a perspective that's different to their own.

Neurodivergent people may find different aspects of this harder than others (for example, it may be easier to 'read' some people than others or it might be easier to infer someone's thoughts rather than their feelings). Many neurodivergent people do not struggle with this at all, others learn how to do this as adults and others continue to struggle with it throughout their lives.

How does it affect people?

People who find it hard to understand the thoughts and feelings of others can find it hard to communicate and understand others. This is because they may find it tricky to understand the context around what other people are saying or forget to add context to their speech. It can also make it difficult to identify / recognise important information or make it hard to work out some types of humour. It can also make it difficult to connect to or trust other people, as it is hard to predict their behaviour.

What strategies might be helpful if you want to build this skill?

Psychologists suggest 3 key steps to building theory of mind:

  1. Paying attention to other people: engaging with others using joint attention more regularly. This can be doing any number of shared activities that both people may enjoy, as long as it is truly shared and not just adjacent to one another.
  2. Working on understanding intentionality: understanding the motivations behind peoples' actions can be difficult and may take years to develop. Start small with conversations around films and tv shows, and by trying to work out the different reasons why characters may choose to do things.
  3. Imitation: copying other people (in a way that is not rude or mocking) can help us to feel more connected and can give us a better understanding of why they may feel different ways in different scenarios.

​